I Saw a Handsome Man
© Jay Harden
Today began as an ordinary day: up, bathroom, pranayama, breakfast, brush my teeth. But this day as I looked into the mirror, I saw someone different, a new somebody, yet vaguely familiar.
I saw a handsome man. For the first time. Simply said, but so hard to describe. That face was handsome. It had an even gentleness, a balanced composition. The light was just right. There were no dark shadows, nor was there a beaming glow. The face just looked natural and true. And, I guess, I met myself, my real self, again. Or, should I say, I recognized something familiar and comfortable I had known before. I was pleased with what I saw, as I saw it. That is to say, I felt no judgment. The handsomeness was not a judgment, just an awareness, an acknowledgement of what already was true, what always existed. I looked at this person and already knew him. For some reason, I was not surprised; he was no stranger. I rather liked him instantly and admired him for no evident reason. The energy flowed directly between us, back and forth, a constant river. Actually, I felt delighted, like a little kid who had found something special all by himself that he had to share with no one, a discovery from a great adventure. The energy was highly human, that is, human is an elevated, best way. An evolved form of consciousness revealed, if that makes sense.
And now, hours later this experience has not left me. And I am not concerned if it does, for now I know this handsome man exists and he is the real me, or at least an important part of the real me. And it came so easy, floating into my awareness like it always belonged. No bells, no breakthrough, just a natural arrival.
I don’t know what to call this experience, but I do sense that other seekers through the ages have been here, too. This was a solitary experience in a most mundane setting, without the help of a spiritual guide or a sacred space, unless a toothpaste spattered sink and mirror qualifies.
There is so much more I feel and wish to say if the words will come. But, in essence, the experience was beyond words. And I am no longer trembling inside, as I have been almost all my life at varying levels of awareness. And if the trembling returns, I am not afraid. Don’t know why, but I’m not. No need to be – the fear wasn’t real anyway. I know that now; but it sure served my learning and got me to this point, screaming and weeping.
Well, I feel lighter and nowhere near the age of 63. The spring in my step comes from the spring in my mind, which comes from the spring in my heart reflecting the spring in my soul. I am a part of humanity now, and do not feel lonely.
I like my face. It is a handsome face, a face I would pick. There is nothing I dislike about it. Even my teeth look OK. There is joy in those eyes of mine. And it all comes from within. That is the best part of it all.
I bravely intend to live this way the rest of my life…and beyond that, too.
8 June 2007
O’Fallon, Missouri